


Goodbye, Hello

by Joana789



Series: Dying is always simple [3]
Category: The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Character Death, I don't really know how to tag this thing, I made you suffer again, I'm sorry Jason, Implied Relationships, M/M, Post-Gaea, Post-War, Sad, i guess, it's because this thing is a bit strange?, sorry if I tagged something wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-19 00:19:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2367296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joana789/pseuds/Joana789
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s only one person he would ever really want to need again but reaching him is impossible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye, Hello

**Author's Note:**

> Are you coming back?  
> Are you coming back?  
> I’m waiting.
> 
>    
> I was kind of inspired by a song by Alice Boman, it's a really beautiful piece.  
> This part is the last one - it turned out a bit different than the other ones but I hope you'll like it anyway. I had fun while writing this, even though it's not a happy story, and I'd love to know what you think about it!  
> [angstandcats.tumblr.com]

 

Coming back is always the worst part.

Not all of them think so, Jason knows it – after all, Percy and Annabeth seem relieved whenever they see each other again, Leo is usually excited and Reyna content. Jason would lie if he said he never thought about his spacious, warm cabin when he was away but there’s usually something strange about these thought. Besides, it’s not the place that bothers him.

It’s the people.

Their laughs. Screams of joy when they see him again – the Golden Boy is back, after all, finally, even though none of them would ever admit they doubted him for a second. This spark of relief in their eyes when he says, smiling, that he’s okay, _don’t worry_.

And Jason is glad all his friends surround him again – he really _is_ , without a doubt. In the same time, though, there’s _guilt_ – or something similar - spreading in his body like a poison, making him shudder, ever so slightly.

Usually, the sudden embers of irritation he feels then – Jason’s never let them turn into fire and never will - are so inexplicable he doesn’t even try to justify the emotion. They don’t appear often.

But sometimes they do.

Then, after this whole _play_ , as he started to call it at some point, he does this one thing that seems to be almost a habit by now – the thing he hates and, in the same time, desperately longs for .

Today he’s doing it again.

The play is over now. He’s in his cabin, trying to rest – at least that’s what he’s telling everyone, himself as well. At first, all Jason wants is to go to sleep – he’s tired, more than he’s ever remembered himself to be. Closing his eyes, he assures himself that he will see his friends tomorrow and it will be fine – they know how it is after the quest.

But he can’t rest yet – he’s aware of it. His body aches but the son of Jupiter tries to ignore it as he gets up, silently leaving the cabin.

The air is cold tonight.

The quest has been hard. Jason got a new scar but it’s okay, he doesn’t really mind – after all, a bit tired of being so nervous all the time, he chose to go alone, although it still felt strange. Percy really wanted to go, too, but, in spite of their friendship, the son of Neptune was the last man he actually needed.

There’s only one person he would ever really want to need again but reaching him is impossible.

Jason inhales.

The door creaks when he opens it. The Hades’ cabin is dark, empty and silent, abandoned. Ignoring the familiar lump in his throat, the son of Jupiter comes in, the sound of his steps louder than it should be. He looks around the room, only to decide that the bed is the best thing to sit on, as always.

Gods, he’s done it so many times before and still…

Everything here looks the same – the duvet cover, cold, obsidian walls, the dark, wooden furniture, many piles of books on the floor, all written in ancient Greek. There’s a couple of golden drachmas on the desk and five small figurines standing on the windowsill, near a deck of cards.

He clenches his fists at the sight.

“I made it. Again.”

There’s no one here to hear him so he doesn’t really care when his voice turns out to be even more bitter than usual.

“I’m here, safe and sound. I got a new scar on my back - the wound hurt pretty bad but everything’s fine now. This quest turned out to be more dangerous than it was supposed to, but…”

The words don’t want to come out and he chokes on them.

“But I made it back home.”

His hands shake. It’s a bit better than the last time, though – his voice doesn’t crack at least. That means he’s getting used to this whole thing, doesn’t it? Jason doesn’t even scream anymore when the memories come, after all – when he sees Nico’s pale face again, his clothes soaked in blood and voice barely audible.

When he makes himself think about it, he can’t decide if it’s more painful or more soothing.

To get rid of this feeling was his goal. He has to, even though it’s irrational and foolish. That is the only way.

Because it’s not like he’s changed much or something. He’s still the same person – he’s Jason Grace, the Golden Boy, son of Jupiter. He’s still a bit too optimistic, tries to fix everything he can, he listens to his friends when they need him and fights when _he_ feels the need to. The lip scar is where it’s been since he remembers. He jokes around, teases Leo and loves the rush of adrenaline whenever he’s flying. Sometimes it almost seems like nothing’s never changed – never happened.

But, in the same time, Jason _is_ different. He can spot it in the mirror when he goes to sleep or in the way Hazel looks at him when she thinks he can’t see her. The change is with him when he’s away, alone and silent. He’s aware of it and so are his friends - it was Piper who noticed first. She’s always known him well - the fact that they eventually broke up couldn’t change it.

“There’s something in your eyes sometimes, when you think no one’s looking,” she said when he asked her about it, ”Something… empty, Jason.”

She was right.

“I won’t see you anytime soon, Nico.”

His words sound pathetic.

Every single time he comes back, he goes straight here, only to assure himself that it’s not the right time yet, that he still has to carry on, go and pretend that he’s gotten over everything that happened during the war – kind of, at least. Even if the truth is he never will – there’s no getting over Nico di Angelo’s death.

They both know that – Jason and Hazel.

Because Hazel gets it as well as he does. She’s changed, too, after all, became a little sadder since this spark in her eyes disappeared, just like Jason’s. He’s not sure but suspects that the girl knows about this odd habit of his, even though they never really talked about it. That’s why they didn’t agree to remove Nico’s things from his cabin – _at least not yet_.

As long as all of his stuff was here, Jason and Hazel could pretend that Nico was still somewhere among them, too – maybe far away, but…

…alive.

“But someday I will. Just wait for me, okay?”

Someday, he won’t come back – and it will be the worst day of his life.

It will be the best one as well.

And then Jason stands up and gets out of the cabin, leaving all the feelings behind – he’s still a demigod. He’s strong, and he will bear it, just like he always does.

He came back. It wasn’t the time yet. He’s still _alive_ – there’s blood in his veins and air in his lungs. They’re all good things.

He looks up at the sky – it’s dark, clouded and, for some reason, even though not even a single star is visible tonight, Jason likes the sight. The ground has never belonged to him like the sky does.

He smiles as a thought strikes him – _Nico’s always been the opposite._

They got along really well, though. The beginning was weird and a bit awkward, especially since no one except Hazel trusted the son of Hades, even Percy. But it changed – Jason never expected to like someone so much. Slowly, Nico became important to him and, as he suspected, Jason became  pretty important to the boy as well. That’s why he and Piper broke up. That’s why he sometimes let himself think that maybe, after the war, they could…

Jason lets his smile fade away. Today’s been a hard day and he’s tired – his head is spinning, the whole body aching. He clenches his teeth and comes into his cabin, so different from the one where he was minutes ago.

The lump in his throat doesn’t disappear.

 _Dying is simple_ , he thinks, looking at himself in the mirror, only to see these blue eyes Nico liked so much. They’re empty sometimes.

They are empty _now_.

He turns his gaze away.

_Living’s a bit harder._


End file.
